So this all started about 3 weeks ago when Chloe and I went with Jeremy, McKenna, and Justin to Worlds of Fun in KC. I talked Chloe into going on to one of the roller coasters and I was excited! Once in the car, I realized that the seatbelt did not fit and I was asked to leave the ride. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. No one saw it, but I was devistated.
Fast forward two weeks. Mom booked a trip to Disney World for February 18-25, 2012 for Chloe's 10th birthday. I decided I could take a chance that I would fit into all the rides in DW or I could do something about it. So I called and made an appointment with Metabolic Research Center (MRC). My initial consult was 10/6/11 and they require that you spend about 10 days 'preconditioning'; getting all the sugar and 'junk' out of your system. On that day, I weighed in at 298 lbs. Wow. I was devistated. I was within 5 pounds of the heaviest I have ever been. I did fairly well for those first 10 days, loosing 3 lbs by 10/14/11. I ate NO fast food and drank no pop or ice tea. On 10/17/11, I began the actual program. It is a fairly strict diet, but I AM DOING IT. On 10/19/11, I went to check in (as required) and was half expecting to have gained weight as I ate 4 (so ashamed to put that in writing) pieces of pizza Sunday night. However, imagine my surprise when she told me I had lost another 3.5 lbs! 12 days, 6.5 lbs!!! I'll take it!
On another note, and the second reason for the title of this post/blog...my divorce was final today. October 19, 2011. In 9 days, it would have been 11 years. I really thought it was going to work when we remarred in March 2008, but I could not take anymore. I know he is sick, but my kids need one healthy parent and if I didn't get out, he was going to drag me down with him. I have very mixed emotions about this. One one hand, I am very relieved that this process is over. He threatened me more than once about taking me to court and attempting to take my kids away. On the other hand, I feel like a failure and a quitter. Should I have stayed to stay? To take care of him? To listen to the constant berating??? No, and some day I hope I can make my kids understand this.
So today is a day for fresh starts. For me. For my kids. I have been told many, many, MANY times that only I can do it. No one can do it for me. So today I make the commitment to ME, to take care of ME and to put ME first. In the long run, it will be better for everyone.
One day, one meal at a time.
